I would suggest reading these when you think that either no one understands you or you think your life is relatively normal. THEN you can see what kind of craziness goes through MY head every day and know why I act/think the way I do! So there! Hey, I took off the crappy pictures! Yay for me! *gets happy feeling from congratulating herself...then cries at the response*
Intro
Hi there! For those of you who randomly stumbled upon this page, I'm Laura and I'm now 18 (watch out, I can buy cigarettes and porn!). Yeah. I am one bored girl right now. But anyway, I just graduated from McGuinness (a Catholic HS) in May and am now attending Rhodes College (go Memphis!). We'll see if I survive my first semester! Eep!
The longest God damned survey ever....for your enjoyment. 11-3-03
[Jewelry worn daily]: I’m quite partial to my rings...four of them (2 Celtic, one from Express, and my hs class ring that kicks ASS
[Pillow]: Um...it’s my PILLOW and it’s comfy and has lots of eye makeup stains on it when I don’t wash off my makeup before I crash.
[Shoes]: My “theater” All Stars (Becky drew a happy face on one and a sad face on the other in silver glitter glue)
[Favorite top]: These are frivolous questions...but I don’t mind. I like the one I got at Charlotte Russe with Lolo...but I also like the one I got at Hollister over Fall Break...or my shirt that Uncle Tony gave me that says “beware of perverts” in Japanese...
[Favorite bottoms]: JEANS!! those and my Lucky Charms boxers
[Cologne/Perfume]: Don’t usually wear it...but Clinique Happy when I do[
CD in stereo right now]: Bee’s mixed CD...and I’m playing Ben Folds Rockin’ the Suburbs (I love that album)
[Piercings]: Just the two...one in each ear, although I’m seriously considering getting a second piercing in one if not both
[Hair]: Light brown...it keeps on getting lighter
[What you are wearing now]: *looks down* a lavendar shirt with a collar, 3/4 sleeves, with jeans
[In my mouth]: Besides my teeth and tongue? Nothing at the moment, although I could use some gum...hmm
[Inmyhead]: Cotton, hay and rags
[After this]: I SHOULD do homework but I probably won’t. I’ll probably just sit here with my laptop doing nothing... *happy sigh*
[Talking to]: No one at the moment
[The last thing you ate?]: Thinking back to dinner? But that takes effort...Lucky Charms (magically delicious, baby)
[Some of your favorite movies]: Why the difficulty?! I like Kill Bill, Princess Bride (whoa, antithesis movies, no?), Jackie Chan movies (LOL)
[Something that you are deathly afraid of]: Dying in a fire? That was my childhood one, but I think that’s passed. I dunno.
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: Tee hee NO. Perhaps infatuation... but love, I would highly doubt it.
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: I would want an ocelot (see Sealab 2021) LOL or I think a ferret would be cool...but I’m perfectly happy with my satanic cat Luke
[What are 3 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: Ottawa (whoops already did that), Tokyo, London
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: This is a typical college girl answer: THE OPPOSITE SEX!!
[In the last 24 hours, have you] 01. Cried: I laugh at you. I only cry about once a year
02. Bought something: Well, dinner, but technically my parents pay for that.
03. Gotten sick: no, which is fine with me.
04. Sang: Oh yes. To myself and in Chorus
05. Eaten: Several times, lol.
07. Felt stupid: That’s every five minutes...haha. Not really
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: *blinks* no...
09. Met someone new: maybe?
10. Moved on: ??? one cannot move on in 24 hours...I don’t think
11. Talked to an ex: nope
12. Missed an ex: not really. Define "ex"
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on: Hmm... *pauses* I have to think... was that 24 hours? Yes I did.
14. Had a serious talk: Yep. With my Mom about Shannon. :(
15. Missed someone: Definitely.
16. Hugged someone: *thinks* I HOPE so...I’m Italian...I should have hugged SOMEONE...
17. Fought with your parent: Nope. I have a pretty good relationship with the rents.
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: *thinks* These questions are hard. I think I have.
[Who]
01. Have you known the longest: My parents, lol. Um, Sarah Steece, Stuart and Lolo
02. Do you argue with the most with: I’m not an argumentative person
03. Do you always get along with: Kubat, Lolo, Jenn and Olivia...B&C...most of the people I hang out with
04. Is the trustworthiest: Kubat
05. Makes you laugh the most: Kubat, Chris, Stuart, C&B, Matt
06. Has been there through all the hard times: ALL the hard times? I don’t have anyone I’ve known THAT long, haha
08. Have the coolest siblings: ME!!
09. Is the most blunt: Megan
10. Is the smartest: Hmm...probably Christopher
[Personal]
01. Who is your role model: The Paquester!!
02. What is some of your pet peeves: when people are excessively annoying/ ignorant
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: More than once
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: Hmm. I don’t think I have; it’s been my goal to refrain from that and I think I have succeeded thus far. But it’s been very close more than once.
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: I like intellectual boys that are musically talented and have nice hair. Haha. I think that narrows it down.
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s): I was going to say no, but I have told a few white lies to make things less painful
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: No. Not at all. I think revenge is childish.
08. Rather be dumper or dumped: Um...if the relationship is going badly, I’d rather be dump, but if it’s going well and I just have no interest, then I’d rather be dumped so I don’t feel bad.
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup”: Relationship, a million times.
10. Want someone you don't have right now: Probably.
11. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend: You mean BESIDES Kubat?! LOL. If we want to be serious about my sexual orientation for a moment, then yes I certainly have. *looks about, hoping he’s not reading this*
12. Do you want to get married: Not sure...probably, we’ll see.
13. Do you want kids: Eek. I dunno.
14. Do you believe in psychics: No. But I wanna go to the Psychic Tea Room with JennJenn some time, haha
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: I HOPE not!! Hahaha.
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance: My hands are nice...one of the more feminine features I have...besides these growths on my chest *looks down* I have been told I have “pretty green eyes” more than once.
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: Wha? My emotional being? What does that mean? *feels stupid* Do you mean my emotional state or the way I feel emotions? I dunno. I always have this nurturing instinct, and I usually bury any real feelings pretty deep down.
18. Are you happy with you: For the moment, haha. That’s just part of being 18 I suppose.
19. Are you happy with your life: Same as last question.
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: I would be about 20 lbs lighter. Aaaah... *feeling of pants fitting correctly once more and love handles magically disappearing* Must have been the Lucky Charms.
Have you...
1. Fallen for your best friend?: Kubat’s and my relationship is a strictly private matter...unless you’re willing to pay a pretty hefty fee ;D Didn’t I answer this one already? Yes!
3. Been rejected?: If one could call it that...I guess technically it wasn’t, but it sort of was.
4. Been in love?: If not, I’ve been pretty damned close
5. Used someone?: Nope.
6. Been used?: No again.
8. Done something you regret?: Haven’t we all? Is this relationship wise or otherwise? On both accounts I’m sure I have.
Who was the last person..
9. You touched?: I think I poked Becky last.
10. You talked to?: That girl in the psych experiment I was in a few hours ago
12. You instant messaged?: Don’t remember! Probably Kubat...
14. You had sex with?: That would be the last person in my previous life
15. You yelled at?: Probably Matt...I yell at him a lot.
16. You laughed with?: Whoever I had dinner with...Becky, Carolyn and Matt
17. Who broke your heart?: *pleads the fifth*
18. Who told you they loved you?: Sadly enough, my mother Do you..
19. Color your hair?: No! It’s already strawlike already...why would I want to help it?!
20. Have tattoos?: Nope.
21. Have piercings?: Dah!! I answered this already
22. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend ? Nope.
23. Own a webcam? I do not, although my iBook has a built-in mic
24. Own a thong? Surprisingly enough for an 18 year old girl I do not.
25. Ever get off the damn computer? Sometimes?
27. Habla espanol? Non, je parle francais. C’est la langue meilleure.
28. Quack? *gets excited* Quacky? Quackity quacken!! Quaaaack!! *laughs*
Have you / do you / are you...
29. Stolen anything? Jamie’s harem of men...I WISH
30. Smoke? Blah. While I AM hot, I don’t smoke.
32. Obsessive? Nooo...I’m pretty laid back.
33. Compulsive? Nope. If anything, I’m not compulsive enough.
34. Obsessive compulsive?A few things make me seem rather OCD...like when Kubat will do something incredibly obnoxious and I’ll tell her to stop, while freaking out (like Parker and Chris...lol)
35. Panic? I DO spaz out sometimes...Kubat will tell you.
36. Anxiety? I am too laid back for my own good most of the time.
37. Depressed? Sometimes? It happens to the best of us.
38. Suicidal? Definitely not.
39. Obsessed with hate? Don’t be hatin’. No, not at all.
40. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? EEK!! No!! Actually, I take that back...I’ve dreamed about death for the past two nights. *starts freaking out* It was weird...Kubat and I and maybe Nathan? got shot, but it didn’t seem to bother us. Then last night it was more serioius. WEIRDNESS. Actually Kubat put something in her mouth that was glowing so she’d have glowing bulletholes. Wasn’t a very realistic dream as far as gore goes...but realistic as far as Kubat being goofy.
*Questions*
41. If you could be anywhere, where would you be? Home, in my bed.
42. Can you do anything freakish with your body? I can touch my thumb to my wrist?
43. What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others? Gotta be the eyes.
Overall look. Not really any look. I prefer longer hair to shorter.
44. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?: Depends on who she was.
45. Would you marry for money?: I doubt it. If I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’ll be poor, I think I can handle my significant other being poor, too.
46. Have you had braces?:Yes. Sigh.
47. Do you pluck your eyebrows? If I didn’t, I’d have a unibrow. LOL although Kubat and Loahn want me to do that to cut down the competition.
48. Do you like hairy backs? What kind of a question is THAT?! Of course!! haha.
50. Could you live without a computer?: I suppose... *looks fondly at iBook*
51. Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc: AIM...
52. If so, how many people are on your list(s)?: Not that many
53. If you could live in any past, where would it be?: That’s hard. I think Renaissance Europe would be interesting, or the Taisho period in Japan.
54. Do you wear white socks?: Sometimes...usually they have colors on them. I love socks.
55. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off?: I keep ‘em on most of the time, unless I’m sleeping or playing DDR...well then I guess it’s 50/50. :D
56. Your favorite fruit?: Apples/pears/grapes/peaches
57. Do you eat wheat bread or white?: White...but potato is the best
58. What is your favorite place to visit?: Ottawa...I heart Canada.
59. What is the last movie you saw?: School of Rock!! Jack Black is great.
61. Are you photogenic?: If by photogenic, you mean I have 5 chins, am looking anywhere other than the camera, and have red eyes, then yes.
62. Do you dream in color or black and white?: Color I think...?
63. Are you wearing fingernail polish?: Nope. Well...some on my toes, but it’s barely there.
64. Is it chipped or fresh?: ^
65. Do you have any dimples? Nope. No Shirley Temple look for moi.
66. Do you remember being born?: Lol, no, but we said that Matt remembers
67. Why do you take surveys?: I have nothing to put on my website and this looked like a good addition.
68. Do you drink alcohol? Sometimes...I recently tried a Smirnoff Triple Black. Take my heart away.
69. Did you like or do you like high school?: Aw...high school...yes it was lots o’ fun.
70. What is the best accent? Italian accents are sexy. As are British/Scottish/Welsh. No they’re not the same. But they’re all on islands around each other.
71. Who do you want to kiss? Hmm...Johnny Depp. :D There aren’t guys here that I know well enough that I’d like to kiss yet.
72. Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most? Sunsets...I’m usually asleep during sunrises.
73. Do you want to live to be 100?: Nor particularly. If I hadn’t aged since I was 18, then maybe. But 100 years is still a long time. No.
74. Is a flat stomach important to you?: *looks down* If it is, then I am not living up to my expectations.
75. Do you or have you played with a ouija board? LOL yes. With Mandy in Canada and we were both moving it
76. Are you loyal?: Damned straight.
77. Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs?: I would like to think so.
78. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?: OFF!! It’s that whole concept...the apparatus theory! Go film class!
79. Do you like your nose?: It’s kinda ski-slopey and big. But it’s there and it functions half the time.
80. Do you think you can draw well?: Sometimes?
81. At what age did you find out that Santa Clause wasn't real? *eyes grow wide* WHAT?! This must be some kind of sick joke!! *cries*
82. How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet?: *too lazy to look* prob’ly around 7
83. Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety? I wear my allstars a lot.
84. Do you write poetry?: I used to, when I was about nine. Ha.
85. Snore?: Probably yes. Kourtney is ever so tolerant.
86. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: sides and front. Mmm...sleep. I had to wake up from a nice nap to eat dinner. I want my nap back.
87. Cats/Dogs?: CATS!! :D
88. Do you lick stamps?: Not if they have adhesive on the back...? Haha.
89. Do you use an electric can opener?: No...only because we don’t have one. Those things are awesome.
90. Have you ridden in a hotair balloon?: No..that’d be kinda scary
here we go...
Like your name?: Yep. Means “victorious.” Can’t get too much better than that. Although there are like 2 million people here with either my name or variations of it.
Were you named after anyone?: Maybe Laura Ingalls Wilder (which is cool)
Do you wish on stars?: No, but they make me wish things or contemplate things... so in a way yes
Which finger is your favorite?: I actually like my thumbs. What would I do without them?!
When did you last cry?: This might take a moment. *thinks* It was when I got to work an hour early, worked 8 hours, and had to work another one before I could go home and wish Chris goodbye since he was leaving the next day for a YEAR!! I was uberpissed.
Do you like your handwriting?: LOL I LOVE MY HANDWRITING!! Simply because it’s incredibly illegible.
Who do you admire?: People who are themselves and not a societal projection of what they’d like to be
What is the #1 priority in your life?: Live to graduate from college... :D
What is your favorite lunchmeat?: Gotta be the honey-roasted turkey
Any bad habits?: Difficult! What are they? I have a reluctance to make eye contact
What is your favorite animal?: cat....I almost am one. Kubat and I are going to come back as cats and live out lives of sleeping, eating, and sunbathing. YES.
If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself?: That’s a weird question. I’m kind of quiet around people I don’t know, but I might meet myself through friends of friends
Are you a daredevil?: Not at all.
Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?: NO! I knew Shaer liked Erika for 6 mos and didn’t tell...until she told me that he told her. Then I was like “honey that’s old news.” HAHA!!
Have you ever stolen anything? I ALREADY SAID I HAVEN’T!! HERE!! LOOK IN MY POCKETS!!
Do looks matter? To me, not really. To employers, the opposite sex, perhaps.
Have you ever miss used a word and it sounded absolutely stupid?: lol YES... Chris likes to make fun of my complete butchering of the English language...even though I love it. “Alterated” is SO a word!! I also used something incorrectly around Becky...”proceeded” when I meant “succeeded.” Close enough.
Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: Although I am Irish, I would rather have a glass of Bailey’s Irish Cream at the end! :D
Do fish have feelings?: *blinks* Fish are our friends. And they taste ultra good, especially in gumbo. :D or as Swedish Fish...mmmm
Are you trendy?: Haha not really, but I guess my hair is decent and Stuart says I have “emo” glasses
How do you release anger?: Write, lie in bed and seethe (one of my favorite things to do)
Where is your second home? My house is like five people’s second homes
Do you trust others easily?: I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, yes. Call me naive if you want.
What was your favorite toy as a child?: BARBIES!! :D Mom sent me one for Halloween and I nearly flipped a shit.
What class in school do you think is useless?: CALCULUS!!!
Do you like sappy love songs?: Sadly, yes.
Have you ever been on radio or television?: I was on TV when I was little with my brother--we built a snowman when it snowed and we got to be on TV!!
Do you have a journal?: I have my paper one, and my modblog...and my rants on my webpage where this is going!
Do you use sarcasm a lot? J’aime le sarcasme
Have you ever been in another country? Canada...for 2 years.
What do you look for in a guy/girl? This is been an indirect question throughout this whole thing...and it’s LONG.
What is your nickname?: Hmm. Laura Annie from my grandma. I don’t have a whole lot of nicknames. Medium Buddy or “Domestic One”...Kubat and I call each other “bitch” and “whore” a lot. We love each other. :D
Would you bungee jump?: NO!!
Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: That takes effort, therefore no.
What are you worried about right now?: Why I’m eating CheezIts when it’s 9:30 at night.
Do you ever wear overalls?: I used to have some kick-ass corduroy overalls, but those days are gone...
Do you think you are strong?: For a girl, I’m no weakling. But I'm not freakishly strong like Kubat.
What's your favorite thing in the world? Cognizance and Emotions. Two. And emotions is capitalized ‘cause I feel like it.
How many wisdom teeth do you have? Zero. They took them away!
What would you change about yourself? Hmm...*20 lbs once again fly out the window, hitting an innocent bystander*
Who is most likely to respond to this first? I’m not sending it to anyone, but I’m pretty sure Kubat will comment on it to me.
Who are the people you care most about? They know who they are! :D
I...
I see: nothing without my glasses
I need: to be loved...and all my hope is gone (how soon is now-the smiths) LOL 80s!!
I find: bruises on my legs and chocolate in my bed
I have: a big ass...exam tomorrow.
I wish: I didn’t have to do work ever again.
I love: Sleep. And coffee. And those little snakes where you squeeze ‘em and their tongues roll out. And my friends and family...those are givens. But the snakes? *sigh of happiness*
I hate: um...when people ruin their own lives
I miss: my friends at home...and not at home
I fear: conflict, lol
I feel: content...amazing what Ace of Bass and Cheezits can do
I hear: IT’S A BEAUTIFUL LIFE, WHOA OH OH OH!
I smell: the sweet greasy smell of a box of cheddar cheezits
I wonder: why my brain works in such odd ways.
I regret: to inform you..that I lost your kid’s address (recently distressed-phantom planet) and the fact that I just spent an hour on something that no one will take the time to read...if you did GOOD FOR YOU!!
Good Lord, that was SO damned LONG...I didn’t realize it. SHEESH. I also apparently accidentally lost a few questions, either that or the person who made it can't count. Enjoy!
College Life OR High School: Part Two!! 8-26-03
Well, I finally made it to Rhodes. I live in Robinson Hall, and I'm lovin' it, baby! Although I have suffered small bouts of homesickness, it's not missing Oklahoma, it's just missing friends and family. Screw Oklahoma!! Well, not that Memphis is much better--the humidity is making my hair GIGANTIC. Tear!
It was really difficult to say goodbye to everyone. I am very attatched to the people I'm friends with, and it was hard to just dismiss the fact that we are starting a new stage in our lives without each other. Kinda like, "See you in a few months!" That just doesn't cut it.
Things are built around change, whether we like it or not. The fact I must accept is this: my old life, as it were, will play only a small role in my new one--this includes my friends. And, frankly, that SUCKS. Yes. That philosophical and very forward-looking sentiment SUCKS. Not as much as Sewanee, though. :D
Although that fact should be accepted, it will not be, at least not by me. I have ties. Friendships are important. I was reading the onlinie diary of a friend of mine, and she felt the same way. Relationships are so important, whether they are platonic or romantic or whatever the hell they are (they often cross over). They shape who we are, and provide for us the one thing we crave above all else (despite what people may think)--love. Sure, we want physical pleasure, whether that be sex, luxury, whatnot. We want success, money, etc. However, after that is all said and done, what is left? Love of any kind makes us happier than anything else ever could.
That is my idealistic paragraph. I have to let the idealist out every once in a while, otherwise I'll start spewing out very cheesy, after-school specialy sentiments at random, which is bad for my reputation, lol. I'm the girl with no emotion, remember? Almost no one has heard of me crying, let alone see me perform that terrible act. Surprisingly, boys and girls, Laura is human, just like the rest of this confused and wandering group of losers we call humanity.
Anyway, away from the philosophical for a moment. I love my college so far. I start classes tomorrow, so we'll see how much I like it then. The architecture is stunning, my advisor is an awesome French prof, I think I got into the choral group, I tested into French 301, and I get to take a film criticism class. Yeah. Sounds fun, ne? I thought so.
Referring to the title, there have already been several parties, crises among "friends," and forays into drunkenness. Does any of that ring a bell? THIS IS HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN!! GET ME OUT!!! Shit, you know, sometimes I like to assume that not all people my age are idiots. And some aren't. But it's the same stupid stuff, over and over. Let's TRY to be adults SOMETIMES, okay? *shaking head*
There are a lot of cute girls from the south here, and, as I told Kubat, I am mortally afraid of...developing a SOUTHERN ACCENT!! I serioiusly was freaked out for a good five minutes about this. Sad! I need to see a shrink about that, probably.
My dorm is, and I swear on this, the CUTEST DAMNED DORM THIS SIDE OF THE MISSISSIPPI!! My roommate Kourtney and I somehow magically coordinated our crap over the distance between Oklahoma City and San Antonio. Awesome, huh? I thought so.
Back to philosophy again I suppose. My closest friends had a very...shall we say..."divisive argument" before we left (I guess about a week or two prior) and it pretty much ruined our goodbyes, Three of them weren't on speaking terms. I mean, it was like, "Look, kiddos, I'm going now, you just deal with your problems and I'll go to Memphis for a bit, kay?" Blah. I love my friends, but it makes it difficult when they all hate each other. Why does that always happen to me?! I'm always in the middle. But hell, I'm over it. I have more important things to worry about. Like schoolwork. Mah.
I miss everyone so much, though. I miss DDR in my basement, I miss late-night conversations on AIM (I still have those though), late-night phone conversations, visits to the park, spades games in Calculus, hanging out with my freshmen Chorus homies, my kick-ass English teacher (aka the Paquester), "random awards," and heart-to-heart talks about what we believed in, hoped for, and loved. God, this is depressing. I have a bad habit of turning something sentimental into something depressing. Next paragraph!
So yeah, I'm trying to adjust without adjusting too much, if that makes sense. I think it does. More later, though. It's almost two, and I'm tired. 'Til next time, sweethearts. Much love to all, especially those far away from me.
Pickle Pops. I think that will do. No second title is needed. 7-3-03
Well, look who is NO LONGER in HIGH SCHOOL!!! *maniacal laughter* No, I didn't cry. I don't cry much. And besides, it was more appropriate to laugh at it all anyway. Graduatino was fine. My speech was okay. I wasn't incredibly fond of it, but lots of people were, and a valedictory usually aims to please more than anything anyway.
It seems really really weird, not to mention wrong, that people are leaving. One of my friends already left, and that was weird enough. He said, "see you in September." I just gave him this look like, "I'm worried about you." He went to Marines boot camp and I think he was ready, but still. Boot camp of any kind scares me. The possibility of him actually going somewhere where it's possible for him to die does as well. Sure, you can die walking out of your door, but usually one tries to minimize the probability of death. But hey. Maybe it's just me.
Another one of my guy friends is leaving as well in less than two weeks. It's going to be really tough on me. Some people don't know this, or never figure it out about me, but I care about people. I keep a lot to myself, so it's not really obvious most of the time. People get surprised when I get mushy. But I have this irrational fear that I'm going to break down and cry all over his shirt. So if I do, and he's reading this (which is possible but not likely), I apologize in advance and I'm going to miss you so much.
Now, if you were curious about the title, I told Kubat that I would include this disgusting little tidbit in my next rant. And here it is. I was talking to Kubat on the phone the other day and she was like, "Guess what I did last night?" I was curious, so I said, "I dunno, what?" Most teenagers would say something like, "I went out and partied" or "I went to the mall and saw a movie" or "I talked on the phone for a few hours." Luckily for me, my Kubat is so unique that she says nothing other than, "I made pickle pops!" Yes. Pickle Pops. I said something along the lines of, "That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard of. Please tell me you're kidding." But she was quite pleased with herself. In fact, she even made up a marketing phrase: "They're pickle-rrrrrrriiiiffic!!" This is why we shouldn't work. We get more crazy than usual. I deal with old people and she deals with crazy vets/really gross animals. It's not good for either of us. But what're you gonna do, Laura?
I just think it's stupid that our last summer together should be wasted on work. Especially the kind where I sell a lot of Depends and shelve shampoo and let people buy back photos 'cause they're cranky. The more I work, the more misanthropic I become. I think that is the polar opposite of what my parents were hoping would happen. I hate smiling at people. I think it's just because I had a bad day today. Before I left, I burned my finger on the waffle iron (a nice numb shiny spot has found my left forefinger and decided to stay there a bit), then when I got there, I broke a razor blade (which I thought was physically impossible), then I scraped a hunk o' skin off my middle knuckle on my right hand, and it bled through the bandaid I put on. Lots and lots of fun for Laura at Eckerd Drug. I guess I'll stop whining about work now.
I've been trying to read more lately. Since my math skills are really lacking....(a gross understatement) I figure I should keep my other skills up. I like to read anyway, and I often have nothing better to do in the first place, due to work conflicts etc. Raar. The only good thing about my employment situation is my discount at JCPenney. Go towels for my dorm! Yeah!
I really wish I knew who my roommate was. That'd be good. My friend who lives in Germany is coming to visit and I'll have just left for Memphis. What a pisser, eh? It makes me angry!
I need to work at 9 tomorrow, on the FOURTH OF JULY YOU PIECE OF CORPORATE CRAP ECKERD!!! THANKS FOR MAKING ME WORK ON A NATIONAL HOLIDAY, YOU THOUGHTLESS BASTARDS!! But I guess I'll get over it. Anyway, I will definitely update before I leave. :( That's depressing. A bientot, tout le monde!
"La Fille Ennuyee" OR Graduation/Emotion-related Sentiments 4-30-03
It's almost May!!! The end is VERY near. About that last thing I have to do for school is write a paper for my mom (GAG). Oh well. After that, I will have no reason to complain. Besides finals. And (as far as I know) a Valedictory to write. I hate giving speeches. I haven't done a good speech since freshmen year. Damn. We'll see how THAT goes.
I have a Chorus concert tonight at 7. Woohoo. I love Chorus, but I really don't feel like singing tonight.
I've been at the senior retreat all day. It was bad. I mean, bad. The only aspect with merit was this McGuinness grad who talked of his drug days and Phish following. Then he talked about his conversion and sang a song for us. It was at least entertaining and somewhat interesting. The main guy told stories about traveling with a mandolin, guitar, and sleeping bags and trusting God to get him and his friend to Oregon from California and back. No money either. I dunno, that's just not something that spiritually enlightens me...especially when he tells stories about old men and blessings and rocks.
It also gave many people a chance to piss off the teachers. For instance, Ricky Randall's charming anecdote about Patrick Fields "crapping himself" during a farting contest. Good times. ^_^ I strongly dislike Ricky. He told that story, and he almost killed me last year. Those are two good reasons to die. Maybe not now, but Loahn and I agree that he will get shot in college for being a dumbass.
I have had very mixed emotions about this whole graduation thing. This month has been an emotional catastrophe anyway. Not necessarily in a bad way, but the emotions have come out unchanged. Blah. I think that's enough ambiguous talk for the moment. Let's go back to graduation.
It's in less than two weeks. Next week is finals week. Senior dinner is next Thursday. I graduate on the following Tuesday (Baccalaureate is Monday). I will never have to go to another day of class at McGuinness after Monday (meaning I have 3 full days left). THAT is amazing. However, none of my teachers have given me anything to study (minus Mr. Farris). That is not good.
The AP Calc exam is next week. And it's going to do bad things to me. Goff does not realize to what extent I loathe and do not understand Calculus. But that's okay. As long as I pass the final (I got a 79 last time...it's a little close. But it's passing!).
Wow. I'm sitting here listening to DDR music. That's pretty bad. Oh well.
From my shopping experience yesterday, I have two recommendations for retail businesses: get your scanners fixed and don't forget to take ink tags off clothing. Cough, Fye and Hot Topic. I don't know when I'm going to revisit the mall to get that tag off. That's just grossly inconvenient. So I'm gonna complain about it. That's what I do.
I was reading this pamphlet of Joe's (it was for one of his sex talk thing) and it was talking about puberty. It said something like, "Your feelings will be stronger and will fluctuate more." I don't know about the fluctuating, but I think the first one qualifies. Just in general; when I get truly angry (which is about once a year), it's bad. I don't want to see or talk to anyone for fear that I will disembowel them with a plastic spork. I'm a lot more confused too. I get little bouts of depression...well, more like ennui. Ennui is roughly translated as "boredom," but it's come to take on a more complex meaning in English. It's more of a sense of being jaded or intellectually bored. I dunno. It happens to me more often than it used to. Not that I'm depressed. I'm happy/content about 90% of the time. When I actually am feeling down, which is about 2% of the time, I sleep excessively, and either overeat or undereat. Which isn't good, I will admit. But like I said, 2%. I think I got my 2% done a few weeks ago. Hopefully it won't show its ugly face for another year. Wait, I'm leaving home. Never mind.
But the thing is, I'm pretty much postpubescent. I think most of my emotions have matured significantly and I know how to handle them. Most of them, anyway. A few I'm still trying to figure out.
I need to take psychology and psychoanalyze myself. I'm a weirdo. I'm like this analytical, logic-oriented freak, but, when certain things happen or I choose to be a non-freak, I am completely different. I am a mushy, emotional wreck. But that also doesn't happen often. 10-15%. The reason the percentage is higher is because it's been happening more and more lately. And I still don't let other people see my emotion-absorbed side. Very few people know it exists, and I like to keep it that way.
Now that I've talked about my schizophrenia, lol, I think I'll stop with that train of thought *throws a penny to derail it*.
So anyway, graduation. Soon. I will never again grace the halls of McGuinness as a student after May 8th. That is exciting, but I guess a little scary. I will post after graduation, most likely. We will see how I fared!
The "I'MREALLYWIRED" Rant, OR Spring Break Oddities (3-22-03)
Okay, it's been a month or so. Time for some more venting. I've been on a plane today, after enduring what I'd normally consider good weather (cold and rainy) in Arizona while being half-sick the entire time. I have a love/hate relationship with planes...but that's not the topic of this rant. The topic doesn't change, folks. Still me complaining about boys or my little problems. But hey, you're bothering to read this. Whoever 'you' are.
I was standing in line to board my crappy-ass crowded plane and, behind me, is this picture-perfect couple. She's cute and skinny and he's good-looking and they're laughing and talking, after their assuredly ideal spring break in some tropical climate. I cannot begin to explain the irritation (seemingly without origin) that welled up in my brain at that instant. The fact that it was about eighty degrees in the room and that my brother was being more obnoxious than usual might have contributed to this irritation, but I think it was mainly the first thing I mentioned. Blah! New section!
As I pull a Jostein Gaarder (read Sophie's World now, children)...So what is the point of this not-so-touching anecdote? It made me realize how bitter I could get. I don't usually feel bitter. I don't like being bitter--it's fruitless, and I don't like it when people are bitter, as a general rule. Normally bitterness stems from remorse or anger over a deed committed--or one not committed.
What is my deed or antideed? Or, my sin of commission or omission, to put it another way? I need to stop writing in rhetorical questions. An overused technique...as this was a sentence fragment. Never letting Paque see this; sentence fragments everywhere!
My problem, rather, my hamartia (yes I would go as far as to call it a tragic flaw) is my inability to act/express myself and my emotions to the people that matter. I don't consider mundane circumstances--I tell my friends and family that I love them all the time-- ask my 2nd hour Calculus class (lol see the day Kubat called when I was sick). I mean in extraordinary circumstances. *cough* HIGH SCHOOL circumstances. Things at which I would usually scoff...ha! I corrected my sentence.
GOD I'M WIRED!! No, I'm not on drugs. Besides Clarinex/Albuterol. I don't know why I'm wired. I'm not the happy/shaky wired that I get from coffee or excessive caffeine/sugar. It's more like a 'I want to write something to no one about why my life sucks' wiredness. I am one weird child.
The most natural reaction to this thing would be 'stop complaining and actually go THROUGH with this problem thing.' As anyone can tell you, there are exceptions to every rule. Right now, that is NOT the right thing to do...well, it is, but it has consequences (or potential ones) that I am not fond of. And yes, I ended the last sentence with a preposition and began this one with 'and!' Ha! Look at my pathetic rebellion! Now I think I'll place a random, inaccurate and entirely ridiculous parenthetical documentation after this sentence (Kwx.editewiapygen 253). Yep. I've been writing too many pages about Fowles. It's all Paque's fault!
Here I am on Friday night (well it is 1:33 AM so technically it's Saturday morning) typing about absolutely nothing! And for no one to read! How depressing (as if the rest of this weren't depressing enough)!
Hmm, trying to think of something worthwhile to say. I think that if people were really honest with each other, they'd have a lot less friends. That's just a random wired sentiment, but I think it holds true.
HOT DAMN, this is LONG!! MAKE IT STOP!!
